"The path of loving trust means:
...an absolute, unconditional, and unwavering confidence in God our loving Father, even when everything seems to be a total failure.
...to look to Him alone as our help and protector.
...to stop doubting and being discouraged, casting all our worries and cares on The Lord, and to walk in total freedom.
...to be daring and absolutely fearless of any obstacle, knowing that nothing is impossible with God.
...total reliance on our Heavently Father with the spontaneous abandonment of little children, totally convinced of our utter nothingness but trusting to the point of rashness with couragous confidence in his fatherly goodness."
Mother Teresa, No Greater Love
What 5 people would be on your dream team?
As I'm reading biographies to assemble my "dream team" of five people who I most want to emulate (you become like those who most want to emulate, so choose well) - of course, Jesus is one on the list, I'm reading a book by Mother Teresa and am completely blown away.
I've got a lot to learn.. in particular, these words just cut me to the quick..
"If you are humble, nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. If you are blamed, you won't be discouraged; if anyone calls you a saint, you won't put yourself on a pedestal. If you are a saint, thank God; if you are a sinner, don't remain one. Christ tells us to aim very high, not to be like Abraham or David or any of the saints, but to be like our Heavenly Father." loc 439 No Greater Love
I wish nothing could touch me
This blog has not been seeing posts because I was obviously not humble. I let the displeasure of a man who I have since come to know as evil, keep me from blogging. I was told I had no business blogging about Christian things because #1, I'm a woman and #2 Blogging is bad. Now, obviously, I didn't take all of that to heart, because my Cool Cat Teacher blog has done great all of these years, but this blog has laid quiet.
Why? Because I'm a pleaser. I want to please people - even if I know they are wrong, I have a problem with this. Don't I know I can't please God and man? Don't I know that this was totally wrong? I'm so mad at myself because I couldn't get over it!
Sure, I did, but because I was in the midst of quite a tough situation in my church at the time, I didn't want to say anything that would get me in trouble with God. I was very upset and very torn about things, but still, even though the person concerned had publicly made it very clear that I was persona non grata, perhaps I thought that by NOT blogging it would make him happy. Well, I'm sure it made him happy. I'm sure it did. Did it make him happy when I was out of my Sunday School teaching job, my singing in church... sure... it probably did. But the fact that I even would let it touch me shows my own pride.
"If you are humble, nothing will touch you."
It is most important if I'm following God. If I'm seeking Him and putting His mission and work for me first. This pleasing thing will please no one.
I was talking on Twitter with Ellyn Shaffner (above) about quotes from Mother Teresa and she mentioned the following poem...
What has been wrong with me? Why have I been afraid to write on this blog? It is here, I already have quite a bit written and yet, for some reason, I am admitting that I have let my fear or my desire to please man keep me from it.
I reject the hold that this evil man has had on my life for far too long. Not all men of God are men of God (or women for that matter.) This world is full of false prophets and liars...
"Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.)" Phillipians 4:13
This has been a secret struggle, a private angst, a nagging fear. But in this life if we love our mother or father or pastor or anyone above God, we have it all wrong. We have to leave it all and cleave to the Savior who loves us. We must seek to please Him not him who seeks to pass judgment and tell us what to do.
I'm thankful for God leading my husband and I and our family to an incredible church family. It is still very hard and I've been in mourning over some things past, however, I am moving on.
God's been trying to help me have a thick skin but I think the point is that I just need to be ok in my skin.
Pastor Michael Catt talked about a football player this past week that has a twitter handle - zero glory and how we should all be living our lives to be that way.
It is not a bad thing to blog - in fact my current pastor embraces social media as a way to share. I'm going to have to quite simply get over the haters. A while back, Pastor Catt asked us to raise our hands if we were breathing - everyone raised hands. He said, OK, if you're alive, someone doesn't like it -- get over it. Someone can't stand the fact that you're breathing. It is a fact... GET OVER IT.
GET OVER IT!!! SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU... or me... or anyone... or even themselves, if the truth be known.
The problem is I haven't gotten over it. I have this past situation and one other one when I first got into edtech with someone who just thinks I'm an arrogant awful person --- I was wrong and apologized but it doesn't matter how much I do... this person will ALWAYS hate me and talk bad about me. THERE IS NOTHING I COULD DO AND NOTHING I CAN DO and I have to LET IT GO. Oh, I wish I could.
You nor I are here to fulfill a popularity contest. Honestly, no one really cares as much about us as we care about ourselves. We are really the center of our own universe, but have to choose not to be. Give up the center of your Universe to the One who made the Universe.
When God leads, I'll write here.
An Audience of One
There are a thousand tiny things that God is doing to help me learn that HE IS MY AUDIENCE. I serve HIM and must please Him and only Him. Oh, that I was humble enough to be that person who is so focused on God that only His glory shines forth. I'm not, but want to be.
Thankful that God is not done with me (or you)
Meanwhile, I'm thankful for a God who doesn't give up on us. I'm thankful that when I beg for healing that He hears. I'm thankful that when you think your purpose and plan is done that God has other plans. Breath in your nostrils is proof that God is not done. (another Pastor Catt quote.)
I admit hurt and complete and utter devastation over some things in my past, but I will serve and work in the new church where God has called me. I will open up and let some new friends in. I will be humble and willing to embark on a new journey of service to Him wherever He chooses for it to be. Toilet, tabletops, or mountaintops...here I am... send me.
God can use my greatest hurts for His greatest glory and I will humbly accept His guidance.
So, whoever might be left still subscribing to this blog or reading it... thanks for hanging around. Some pain is hard to verbalize and sometimes one can be so wounded in terms of a matter that it is actually best to be quiet. But I believe that God is doing a new work in me and wants to do a new work in you, too. Have you taken time to talk to Him today? Are you going to let the wounds of the past keep you from a bright future in His service?
Whatever it be, wherever I go... any way He sends me - I pray and hope that He'll use me anyway He chooses.
May these words be used to encourage the weary, revive the faint, and replenish the beleagered.
Our God reigns!